SANRAL has announced that they will give a free pencil sharpener to all e-tollers who submit for and enrol on time.
It can be placed on your desk as a constant reminder of the service they provide to you each year
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, December 11, 2009
How Weird
Did you know that the words "race car" spelled backward says "race car."
That "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate."
And, have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells out "Fuck off and go home you free-loading, benefit grabbing, kid producing, violent, non-English speaking cocksuckers and take those hairy faced, sandal wearing, bomb making, goat fucking, smelly rag head bastards with you."
How weird is that?
That "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate."
And, have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells out "Fuck off and go home you free-loading, benefit grabbing, kid producing, violent, non-English speaking cocksuckers and take those hairy faced, sandal wearing, bomb making, goat fucking, smelly rag head bastards with you."
How weird is that?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Children Writing About The Sea........You can't buy this stuff. BRILLIANT ! Pure Gold
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(James age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.
( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 8)
6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs.
(Emily Burniston age 5)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.
(William age 7)
8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 8)
13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny.
(Julie age 7).
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(James age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.
( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 8)
6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs.
(Emily Burniston age 5)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.
(William age 7)
8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 8)
13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny.
(Julie age 7).
How do these people survive
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew It! should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......' Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew It! should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......' Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
Germans
A German guy approaches a prostitute."I vish to buy sex viz you.""OK," says the girl, "I charge â, 200 an hour.""..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.""No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky."So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller."I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees."The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees."Now you vill get on your hans und knees."She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs."You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.)She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totallyamazing! What do you call that position?""Ah," says the German . . ."zat is ze... Audi.""Audi?" Asks the astonished sex worker."Audi," replies the customer. "Four-sprung Duck Technique."
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, But some abuse the privilege
A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and spots a Jamaican man on the 1st floor.
He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language.
He points at his eye meaning “I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The Jamaican man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants and starts masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and shouts, "What the hell is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!"
The Jamaican guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."
He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language.
He points at his eye meaning “I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The Jamaican man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants and starts masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and shouts, "What the hell is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!"
The Jamaican guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."
A Polite Way to Pee
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners asked herstudents.Teacher : "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, howwould you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"Michael : "Just a minute I have to go pee."Teacher : "That would be rude and impolite."Teacher : "What about you Peter, how would you say it?"Peter : "I truly am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."Teacher : "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at thedinner table."Teacher : "And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brains for once and show us yourgood manners?"Little Johnny : "Darling, may I please be excused for a brief moment? I have to shakehands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I am hoping you will get to meet afterdinner."The teacher fainted........
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Ma, hoe spel mens boks
DIE SEUNTJIE VAN SO STANDERD 1 GAAN NA SY MA,SEUN:
MA HOE SPEL 'n MENS 'BOKS'
MA: NEE MY KIND, DIE WOORD BOKS BESTAAN NIE EINTLIK NIE, DIE KORREKTE WOORDIS DOOSSEUN:
OK, DANKIE MADIE VOLGENDE DAG KOM DIE SEUN MET DIK GEHUILDE Oë VAN DIE SKOOL AF.MA : WAT HET GEBEUR MY KIND?SEUN: ONS MOES VIR VANDAG SE AFRIKAANSE KLAS 'N OPSTEL SKRYF OOR SPORT ENEK HET NET MET DIE NAAM VAN MY OPSTEL BEGIN TOE MENEER DIT SIEN, TOE GRYP,HY MY KANTOOR TOE EN GEE MY 'N MOERSE PAK SLAE.
MA : WAT WAS JOU OPSTEL SE NAAM MY KIND?
SEUN : "EK HOU MEER VAN DOOS AS VAN RUGBY"
MA HOE SPEL 'n MENS 'BOKS'
MA: NEE MY KIND, DIE WOORD BOKS BESTAAN NIE EINTLIK NIE, DIE KORREKTE WOORDIS DOOSSEUN:
OK, DANKIE MADIE VOLGENDE DAG KOM DIE SEUN MET DIK GEHUILDE Oë VAN DIE SKOOL AF.MA : WAT HET GEBEUR MY KIND?SEUN: ONS MOES VIR VANDAG SE AFRIKAANSE KLAS 'N OPSTEL SKRYF OOR SPORT ENEK HET NET MET DIE NAAM VAN MY OPSTEL BEGIN TOE MENEER DIT SIEN, TOE GRYP,HY MY KANTOOR TOE EN GEE MY 'N MOERSE PAK SLAE.
MA : WAT WAS JOU OPSTEL SE NAAM MY KIND?
SEUN : "EK HOU MEER VAN DOOS AS VAN RUGBY"
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
The understanding
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory..
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings....'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humor.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory..
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings....'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humor.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Hoe legendes begin
In Engeland - Once upon a time...
In Amerika - Long, long ago...
In Suid Afrika - Onthou jy daai aand toe ons so gesuip was..
Koos
Koos en Mike sit in die kroeg. Dit is alombekend dat Koos die beste bedeeld is op die dorp.
Mike: Koos, ek hoor jy het die grootste meneer op die dorp.
Koos: Mike, jy moet nie alles glo wat jou vrou jou vertel nie.
Mans
Gee 'n man 'n vis, en hy het iets om te eet vir die dag. Leer 'n man om vis te vang, en hy sit heeldag in 'n boot en suip.
Wat noem jy 'n vrou wat 24 uur per dag weet waar haar man is?
'n Weduwee.
In Engeland - Once upon a time...
In Amerika - Long, long ago...
In Suid Afrika - Onthou jy daai aand toe ons so gesuip was..
Koos
Koos en Mike sit in die kroeg. Dit is alombekend dat Koos die beste bedeeld is op die dorp.
Mike: Koos, ek hoor jy het die grootste meneer op die dorp.
Koos: Mike, jy moet nie alles glo wat jou vrou jou vertel nie.
Mans
Gee 'n man 'n vis, en hy het iets om te eet vir die dag. Leer 'n man om vis te vang, en hy sit heeldag in 'n boot en suip.
Wat noem jy 'n vrou wat 24 uur per dag weet waar haar man is?
'n Weduwee.
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