All in bad taste

I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.
One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.
Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.



A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds to get out!'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you cu*t !'




why are women like clouds? eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day




Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.




A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.'




My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead.




I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.




Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just a small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's fu*king hilarious....




Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'.
The reply from his friend...... 'You're so fu*king lucky...
Mine's still alive...'




A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'Fu*k off, you won't bring it back.'




2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My Wifes an epileptic'