Top Voicemails

(a)
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done.... brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

(b).
Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

(c).
Hi, I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

(d).
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

(e).
(Sexy female voice with heavy panting).. Hi, you've reached 555-3456. John is in... (sigh) Oh no, he's out... (aah) Yes, he's in again..(ooh) No he's out... (aah) Why don't you just leave your name and number and he'll call you as soon as he...cums.