Man & woman's poem

Women's Poem
Before I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man,who's not a creep;One who's handsome, smart and strong,One who loves to listen long.One who thinks before he speaks,One who'll call, not wait for weeks;I pray he's gainfully employed,When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.Pulls out my chair and opens my door,Massages my back and begs to do more;Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"I pray that this man will love me to no end,And always be my very best friend.

Men's Poem
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit

Thursday morning in JHB

Jeez man they will try and sell you anything at the robots these days…

This morning some one tried to sell me an empty fanta can and a blind platneus.

This is getting out of hand.

Past Week

This Squirrel was working its ass of so he could drink at night....Due to the fact that we had a hell of a winter wind storm on tuesday, which fucked up my internet connection at home. So it gave me better reason to go and drink at night times. But it was fucking cold....Friday the weather was better...We went from bar to bar. At the Keg they served us beer that looked like piss.

We went to the Ohagens and it was an cockfest.So we decided to go somewhere else.

We ended up at a pub called Gadspy's (I Think it is the name). They do play the best music. The atmosphere is great, and there was some really nice woman. Ran into one of our old friends of many years ago.
Friday night we made a joke to say we are going to watch the Sa vs England game on the smalest TV known to man inside this bar.Ps they do have big screens.

Saturday we watched the Rugby on this small fucking tv.But who cares.It was just brilliant.Later that afternoon we decided that we are hungry and went to Nando's.Some magig occured.A full chicken turned into an carcass in just seconds. Then it was back to the bar for more drinking and watched the worst golf of my life on tv.

Sunday Squirrel spend at home watching the grandprix.

Have a good Monday...

Will you wash your hands??????

Q & A

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
===============================================
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
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Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
============================================
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
=============================================
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
================================================
Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!
=============================================
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
===========================================
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
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Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
=============================================
Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
===========================================
Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
=============================================
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
=============================================
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
===========================================
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
===========================================
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
==========================================
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
============================================
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
============================================
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
============================================
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!
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how to fight a hangover

Subject: How to fight a hangover - Nataniel Om hangovers te fight is actually heelwat makliker as wat mens sou dink. Daar's gewoonlik een goue reël wat feitlik altyd effektief is. Moenie drink nie. Die probleme ontstaan as mens die reel 'n f@kken vet ignore kap. Moeilikheid. Dus, as jy per abuis reël een oortree, verwys dadelik na reël twee. Moenie te veel drink nie. Een word twee, al die ure word happy, lelik word mooi, en twee word een (partykeer sommer op die agterseat). Steeds is als nie verlore nie. In tye van transgressie, verwys spoedig na reel drie. Moenie jou drankies meng nie. Check alle drankies gaan eventually na dieselfde plek toe, maar net soos in 'n bar meen dit nie altyd almal smaak mekaar nie. Inteendeel, jy sal vind dis presies hierdie tipe moespas wat gaan maak dat jy suffer die next day. Sit neer daai shooter, cowboy. Teen die tyd dat jy reel drie oortree het is jy klaar f#cked. Sonder om eers jou broek af te trek. Dan ewe skielik is dit twee-uur, jy vreet 'n pie by die Select Store oppad huis toe en worry oor die evil hangovertjie wat onder jou bed vir jou wag. Slaap soveel as wat jy kan . F@kken wil mos. Lekker reels breek. Lekker breker. Wie's nou smart? Ouens wat hier uitkom het obviously nie gef@kken luister nie en sit nou met die full-blown, f#ck-off hangover. Nou moet jy maar slaap pel, en baie ook. Nog bietjie. Daa'sy.
Trek hom bersie oor hom koppie. Suip baie water. Party bra's reken sommer die aand wat jy van die jol af kom, maar dis bietjie moeilik as jy ingedra word en wakker word met sulke opgooi op jou hemp. Kry vir jou 'n lekker laaang beker water en drink daarvan soveel en so vinnig as wat jy kan . Kom, jy't mos gewys jy kan baie drink. Jy's mos die f@kken nek van die plek. Sluk! Sommer vier Grandpa's ok. One time. Eet iets. Op die stadium is jou lyf hoogs die bliksem in vir jou. Jy het nie mooi gemaak met jou lyf nie. Uh-uh. Nou moet daar f@kken mooi broodjies gebak word, en een ding wat jou lyf verstaan is eetbare bederfies. As jy rerig wil f@kken brownie punte score, skiet vir iets gesonds - even 'n slaaitjie. As jou lyf kon het hy/sy jou op die rug geklop. Party ouens reken mens moet 'n rou eier eet. Al waarvoor dit werk is om jou te laat opgooi, en as jy gelukkig is nog salmonella ook te kry. F@kken smart, nou't jy salmonella en 'n hang-over. Idiot. Vat 'n shower of 'n bad. Nou hierdie reel help beide vir jou asook die mense geaffekteer deur second-hand hangover d.w.s. die arme swape wat jou asem en stink holtes ruik na die aand uit. Voel bietjie daai wol oor jou tanne? Hoe dink jy ruik dit vir ander? Presies. Hou op 'n aap wees en vat 'n stort. Trek iets gemaklik aan. Official hangover wear is pejaamies of sommer 'n ou sweetpak met Stokies en 'n t-shirt. Jy wil nie deal met goed wat jou chafe of knoppe platdruk nie. Sag en lelik is die wagwoorde hier. Vat dit rustig. Drop die blinds, kry 'n bottel Coke, bietjie Nando's en loop rent 'n DVD of twee . Skuif nou voor die TV in met die remote en relax. Dit gaan 'n laaaang dag wees.

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you
change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an African,
using Bill Gates's - (an American)technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Pakistani men,
and trucked to you by Mexicans
..and now being read by a person sitting in an office who should be
working instead of wasting time like this!
That, my friend, is Globalization.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk.

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
D) Transubstantiate

Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.

b) Nope, no more booze for me.

c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

d) No kebab for me, thank you.

e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

f) I'm not interested in fighting you.

g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing

h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero
co-ordination.

I) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.

j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

k) Look, it would be great to have a shag but I hardly know you and we
will only feel really embarrassed and awkward in the morning.

l) That guy is looking at my girlfriend but I am sure its just because
he knows her or something.

m) That chair looks wobbly and dangerous and I certainly wouldn't try
balancing on it with this short skirt on in case I fell off.

n) I must get to my bed as I could never have a really good sleep in
that hedge.

o) I really believe in prohibition.

p) I honestly don't think the rest of the city center wants to see my
bare ass.

q) No...you are not my bestest mate in the whole world. I've only known
you for a few hours.

r) I'm sure those young women are extremely intelligent and have
wonderful personalities.

s) I'm sure my feet would be damaged for life if I take my shoes off and
walk all the way home.

t) A creamy cocktail followed by 4 shots of tequila....surely would be
no good for my insides.

u) Me? go for a pee in the mens room because the ladies queue is too
long? I don't think so.

v) I'll just have a big glass of water before I go to bed so I don't
have a hangover in the morning.

Mark's Monday

A nice start to the week.A relaxed Monday for a change (@ work). So after work we headed for the joker.It was Mark's Birthday.....Happy B/day Mark....Next year leave all the guys and invite lots of woman rather.What can I say a really interesting night.Lots of beer and little trouble with a missing cat but we survived.Mark you choose a kak day to have a birthday, it's Monday, It's fucking freezing, and there was NO woman.... Ok the cat was not your fault.But otherwise it was a good evening....Some interesting conversations and what the fuck was the name of Natal's wing in 1985? .............. Watson.
Got home just after 12 am and fell assleep.Woke up at 3am and i was freezing my nuts off.

What a start to Tuesday..............

Some of the Cock Fest

Birthday boy

Fri Afternoon

What a fucking day.Spend half the day in the police station....what a fuck up....but it is time for squirrel to to what he do best.Go have a beer.




Look we found Shrek in Zimbabwe

Fishing

The Monster Fish

Squirrel said Cheers

Super 14 pics

Invitation

Thucking Thursday

The Squirrel was the first person at the liquor store this morning.All smiles and ready for this big day. Got to the dam and everything was great, the weather, friends, everything.
But what the fishing concern the fish can be lucky the Squirrel love other animals (ask him he is still in love with his ex and also does have feelings, i think he will actually die for her) Sorry back to fishing.The fish can be lucky he loves other animals so he did not caught any.......I felt sorry for them.I lost the competition.My boss was the winner.He did not only caught the biggest fish.It was the only fish we caught the whole day.But i decided that the fish could not count.How the fuck can you win with a fish that weighed less than the bait on the hook....unfair...to cut a short story long.There was shit at the office and we had to rush over there.On the way from the dam to the office the Squirrel was a machine.New record for Squirrel (bottle brandy under 40 minutes)

The Squirrel turned into a master negotiator.And accidentally said something wrong to a (platneus) officer of the law (South African police) I accidentally said " that stupid fucking papvreter/platneus/non swimmer" And was nearly arrested .

Then the travel to my habitat started again..Only stopped at four pubs.This Squirrel is a bit pissed and need some rest now.Look at this excuse for a fish....................................................

Wacky Wednesday

The Squirrel had a almost normal day for a change.Got to work this morning.Canceled all my Thursday meetings.Worked his ass off till 3 pm.It was time to head for his habitat and finish the last bit of today's work.But the Squirrel was not that lucky.There was an obstacle in his way.On the long way to his habitat there was a watering hole.Knowing the Squirrel he can't say no and had to stop for a quick one.You know this by now.Squirrel can't drink just one.

After the sixth double Squirrel lost count.The drink is nice but the view was even better.She deserved this AWARD.So the Squirrel decided to stay for a couple more.The view was the night shift staff.Got to his habitat in one peace.In time for the Squirrel, before his friend got there.Seeing the Squirrel need HUNTING gear for Thursday's fishing.But his friend borrowed him fishing gear instead.

Fishing story will follow shortly


Feast your eyes upon this...........

Super 14 final

Awards

Turbo Tuesday

Thanks to Monday. I had a shit load of work.So As soon as squirrel arrived at work he was really busy.The boss of the company looked like, What I did most of last week.It was hard to tell if he was hung over or still pissed.Seeing it was one of our month ends (this is a crappy day).We managed to survive till eleven.The local watering hole opens at 10 am and is right across the street.So the boss and the squirrel went for a quick fix (2 really quick doubles which got washed down with the finest of Tequila) Back to th office.Confirmed my Thursday meetings 10 am, 1pm and 6:30 pm.

Open my email and there was an invitation to an early getaway from the office.By the look on the boss's face he got the same email.... It was from our CA. 12 o clock we were on our way to lunch again.We all shared something small to eat.We came up with the idea.Fishing on Thursday.Everyone was in and we invited a couple of friends and colleagues from our business associates.It turned into a fishing competition. By 3 pm lunch was over and so was News Cafe's stock of Klippies Premuim.

After I got back to my habitat.I realized all my Thursday appointments.Now I was stuck with two choices.Fuck that I will be fishing on Thursday. Tomorrow I will find excuses for my meetings.

Quote for the day..."You can sit and drink alone till what time.What do you do?Tell yourself jokes and laugh at the ones that you hear for the first time"

Have to go.Time for cooking and some red wine

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done?

Check your answers below!

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?

Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?

Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Orange, of course.

What do you mean you failed?

From the FRIDGE

FIVE ALLIES

INGREDIENTS

1 part Brandy
1 part Dark rum
1 part Vodka
1 part Whisky
top up Cola

INSTRUCTIONS

Mix 1 shot of brandy, dark rum,
vodka and whisky over ice, top up with cola.

Very strong but has a weird but nice taste.

Enjoy

Monday blues

What can I say...Who likes modays....Not me..Today I just got all my shit together and you know What ...Now it is tomorrows worry's .....But I came across this for you....




A whole week ahead,
I don’t feel like leaving bed,
seems like am brain dead,
wish it were Sunday instead.

Saturday, till its end,
the whole of my weekend,
why I can't extend,
I fail to comprehend.

No work and all play,
I know yields no pay,
but to angels, I pray,
to make Mondays go away.

‘Coz, I hate it just like you,
am just as disgusted too,
I prefer catching a flu,
than having a morning blue

squirrel's friends

click to open

South African slang

South Africa has eleven official languages, English is one of these languages as is Afrikaans, the remaining nine are indigenous and these are: Xhosa, Zulu, Sotho, Sepedi, Ndebele, Tswana, Swati, Tshivenda and Xitsonga. Everyone speaks some English, so there is no need to worry about the locals understanding you. The biggest problem you are likely to encounter is understanding the locals with their use of sland and 'home-grown' words :) Here are some example

As well (Accent on 'as') (Also or Me too) A person who says, "Jees, I'm kished bru." (Gee, I'm tired bro) might get this reply, "Ja, I am as well." Babalas ('Bub-ba-lars') The hangover from hell, fondly referred to as a "Barbie". Not to be confused with a BBQ! As you know there are no BBQs in SA. Bakkie ('Buk-ky') (Pickup truck in US, "Ute" in Australia) Many people own bakkies in South Africa, particularly in the rural areas. Bergie A hobo who hangs out on the streets of Cape Town. The term Bergie originates from the Berg (Mountain), and has connotations, according to prejudice, that Bergies are members of inbred hillbilly clans. This is not really so. It has more to do with alcoholism and tragic social circumstances such as poverty and homelessness. Biltong Jerky (US). This is specially prepared dried raw meat, made from beef, venison or Ostrich. Different farmers and hunters have different recipes and processes for their biltong. Their speciality might be Springbok, Blesbok or Eland. Ostrich is very tasty. The basic ingredient is salt and herbs, and often pepper corns. My husband makes a mean tasting biltong :)

some more... Bliksem (Strike, hit, punch) "I'm going to bliksem that doos!" Blups (Mistake) "Oops, I made a blups." Bobotie This Malay dish is made with spicy mince, raisins, spices and yellow rice. It is baked in the oven with a couple of eggs broken on top. Delicious. You must try it. Boer (Afrikaans farmer) Boerewors Farmstyle sausage or "wors". (Literally, "Farmers Sausage"). It is a spicy sausage made from hundreds of secret recipes all over the Platteland and beyond. It is consumed in vast quantities on braais all over the country. Black Taxi These are not black at all nor are they taxis in the conventional sense. When talking about taxis people generally refer to the Minibus Taxis that ply their trade down all the main roads. These mini busses are the preferred mode of transport for people without cars. They are cheap, fast and very regular. They are also incredibly dangerous and should be avoided at cost, either as mode of transport or as a moving traffic violation. Taxis are not required to stop at any demarked area and will stop without any form of warning, hoot alot, block traffic and generally cause mayhem. Braai Barbecue (US) or Barbie (Aus). Probably the biggest semantic gift given to the world by South Africa. You make a braai with wood in a metal drum or between bricks. You cook your boerewors, lamb chops and sosaties on it. With your meal you eat mielie pap, salads, rolls and other stuff. You drink a Castle beer, or maybe a spook and diesel. A braai is only ever over wood or charcoal/brikkets a gas braai is something very different and is called a skotel. Broer ('Broo') (Brother, friend) A variation of brah. Variations in tone emanate from all over South Africa. It is now spelt Bru by most Sef Efrikens . Bunny Chow Indian or Malay curry inside a hollowed out loaf of white bread. You get served the curry in the bread, with a square chunk taken from the inside, which you can use to dunk in the curry. Best when the bread is fresh. Bunny chow can also refer to 'slap' (soft) chips in bread. Cape Doctor The south-easter which howls across the Cape Peninsula in summer, often forming a whispy, creamy white cloud that rolls over Table Mountain in the shape of a "table cloth". The name is self explanatory. Because it blows for up to a week or more at a time, often at gale-force strength, it blows all the pollution away. Charf (Tease or make fun) Check (Look, do you see?) "You check" (See what I mean? Do you follow? Are you with me?) or "Check this out" (Look at this). China (A friend) And a colleague or acquaintance, or someone you don’t know at all. It can be used aggressively. "Are you tuning me kak China?" (Are you giving me ***, mate?). Dinges ('Din-gus') Thingamabob, a wotzit or a whatchamacallit. In any rural town in South Africa, you might overhear the mechanic say to his colleague, "Johannes, pass me the dinges wot you screw on the top of the carburettor." Doff ('Dorf') Stupid. Dunce. Someone who is dof, is not necessarily that way all the time. It is often used to describe a temporary loss of brain cells. "Don’t be dof" Dop ('Dorp') (Booze, or to fail school) "One dop too many" (One drink too many). The word dop is used in its most common context when referring to drinking, the national pastime in South Africa next to Cricket and Rugby. Dorp ('Dorrrp') (Small town) Don’t be confused when someone says, "Let’s go for a dop in that dorp." Doss (Sleep) Dwaal ('Dwarl') (Dreamlike state) This word describes that vacuous, blank, state a person gets into sometimes, especially after sleep deprivation. "I have been in a dwaal today after downing that half-jack of whisky last night." Eina (Ouch) Widely used. Derived from Afrikaans. Pronounced "aynah", you can shout "Eina!"

and some more... Ek se ('Ek sair') (I tell you) A affirmative phrase to add impact to what you are communicating. Used in a fascinating variety of contexts all over the country. "Let’s hit the jol ek se." Gatvol ('G*at-fawl') (Fed up) Another Afrikaans word. Literally, "Hole full" (constipated) Gesuip ('G*esayp') Drunk Hey Used for emphasis or on its own as a way of saying "excuse me?" or "pardon?" Howzit The famous South African greeting. Short for "How is it?" Try and refrain from saying, "It's fine, thanks". This will only lead to a funny look. A suitable reply is: "No, fine", which actually means "Yes, I am fine". The word "no" is often taken to mean "yes". A real Afrikaner might reply to a "Howzit", with this bewildering response: "Ja, well, no fine". This is merely a more emphatic but long-winded version of "No, fine" Jislaaik (Gee whizz) Jol ('Jawl') The word jol, like the word kief, is a generic South African word. It refers to having a good time and is used in any context. "I am going on a jol (party)." "I am having a jol (good time)." Just now Universally used, it means "eventually", sometimes "never". If someone says he will do it "just now" it could be in 10 minutes or tomorrow or never. "I'll clean my room just now, Ma." Kak ('Kuk') (Sh*t) This is used in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways, in exactly the same way as the word "sh*t". Hence, "Don’t talk kak." or "Don’t give me kak. Kief ('Keef') Something that’s nice. Like "nice", it can be used in any context. "This chow is kief ekse." (This food is delicious I tell you). Klap ('Klup') (Slap) "Ek sal jou a snotklap gee" (I will hit you hard enough to make the snot fly) Klippies and coke (Brandy and Coke) Named after Klipdrift, a popular, cheap brandy. Lank (A lot) "There are lank people in the water." Larney (Fancy, designer clothes, snob, friend) A number of variations on a word denoting someone who is well-dressed, or designer clothes, or a well-to-do function. The person can be larney. The clothes can be larney as in "Jees, you are wearing larney clothes." or "Why are you dressed so larney?" or a high-class dinner do as in "We went to a larney party that had caviar for pudding." For coloured people in the Cape, it means "Friend". "Hoesit my larnie!" (Hello there my friend!) Lekker An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language groups to express approval. If you see someone of the opposite sex who is good-looking, you can exclaim: "Lekkerrr!" while drawing out the last syllable. But that use is now thought politically incorrect in some areas. Lightey (Youngster) Madiba The clan name for former President Mandela that has become universally used as an affectionate nickname. His full name is Nelson Rolihlahla (Roli-shla-shla) Mandela. His clan name is used widely, even by the press. Mal (Mad) "That ou is mal". Moer ('Moor-r') (Hit, punch) Another Afrikaans word meaning to hit someone. " Moffie ('Moffee') (Gay, queer) A derogeratory term for a gay person. Mozzie (Mosquito) "That mozzie is powered by a lawnmower engine." Nooit ('Noy-t') (No way) Another way of saying no, but also a sign of incredulous response. Oke ('Oak') (Guy, chap, bloke) You can also say "ou", pronounced "Oh." Pap ('Pup') (Boiled corn meal) It is the staple diet of many South Africans. Eaten mostly in the townships, it is often found at braais. It has the appearance of wet plaster, but is delicious when scooped through gravy. Pap is versatile. It's eaten as sweet porridge, or as part of a main course. Platteland (The sticks) The Platteland is where people milk cows and grow mielies (corn). Although it means literally "flat land", it also applies to mountainous and hilly regions such as the wine-growing region near Cape Town. Robot (Traffic light) Peculiar way of describing a traffic light. But then, we only got TV in the mid 1970s.

and lastly... Rooibos (Red bush tea) This tannin-free herb tea comes mostly from the Clanwilliam area of the Western Cape. It is made from the Aspalathus linearis bush. Homesick South Africans buy it from gourmet stores around the world, even if they don't like it. Naartjie ('tjie' spoken as 'chi') Known in England as clementines, this small orange-like fruit has an easy-to-peel skin, and is juicy and yummy! Samp An African food made from rough corn. It is starchy and is often eaten with haricot or red beans, dunked in gravy stew. Delicious. Sarmie (Sandwich) Kids sometimes take a sarmie to school in the morning. Called a Sarnie in the UK. Shot (Thanks) "Shot my broer." Also, "Shot Dot". Sif ('Suf') (Disgusting thing, see mif) A shortened version of syphillus, sif doesn’t necessarily refer to disease, but could refer to a gangrenous wound. Sis ('Sus') (Yuck) Sjoe ('Shoe') (Expletive) "Sjoe broer, that was awesome." Skinner Gossip. Skolly ('Skaw-llie') (Sleazy ruffian). Also referred to as a "skommie" or a "skate". Can be used almost affectionately when talking about a roguish friend. Choose carefully whom you call a skolly. Related to the word skelm. Slip Slops Mostly called "slops", they are what Australians call thongs, or sandals. The proper slops are made from rubber and have a strap between your big toe and its partner. Snoek This is a fierce fish found in the sea off Cape Town. It has sharp teeth and is long and narrow like a barracuda. It is the staple diet and source of income for many Malay fisherman on the peninsula. It is pronounced "snook", as in "look". It tastes great when fresh. Dried, salted snoek can be eaten as is, or served in a stew called "smoor-vis", or better still, braaied :) Sorry (Excuse me) While used for it's global meaning, as an apology, South Africans have managed to mutate it further. "Sorry, can I just get past." Sosatie (Kebab) Made from either chicken, lamb or beef, this is often interspersed with pieces of tomato, green pepper, onion and sometimes fruit, especially apricot, and is found on a stick (not like the English kebabs). Spanspek (Cantaloupe) A delicious orange coloured melon. Apparently, it is from the Old Dutch phrase meaning Spanish Melon. Spook and diesel (Cane spirits and coke) A favourite mixture of a pale liquor and dark coca-cola. Sukkend ('Stuk-int') (Broken, ruined, finished, wrecked, to the extreme) There are a number of variations, such as "I'm going to moer you stukkend if you do that again" (I am going to beat you senseless if you do that again". "When she left me my heart was stukkend" (struck numb by despair), "I was stukkend last night" (wrecked) or "I smaak you stukkend" (I love you). Takkies (Sneakers, trainers, running shoes) Often refers to the cheap, hip kind bought in a mass clothing chain called Pep Stores. This word is also used to describe car tyres. If someone has "Fat takkies" they have a suped up car with wide-brim tyres. The moer in (roll the r) (Very angry) "You make me the moer in! Tune ('Choon') (To tell, to talk, to provoke) For instance, "Don’t tune me grief" (Don’t give me your ***) or "Are you tuning me kak?" (Are you giving me ***?). "Tune me the ages" (Tell me the time). Not be confused with the Australian use - to chat up. Vloek ('Flook') (coincidence, lucky break, by chance) If you need a bullseye on the dart board to win, and you hurl the dart at the board without aiming, and it hits the bullseye, then it's a vloek. Vrot ('Frort') (Rotten, putrid) Used by all language groups to describe something highly undesirable, or smelly, or rotten. It can also mean drunk to the point of being completely paralytic. "I was vrot last night"

Super Saturday Vs Sorry Sunday

Saturday started off slowly with a slight headache from Casual Friday....It's a so called "babbelaas".

The Mission: Shower and find an excuse to have a beer.

After a shower this Squirrel was as good as new.Myself and my friend ended up at one of our local pub's (the Joker). Trying to watch both super 14 matches without a alcoholic beverage was impossible.So the story goes as this.(Grade one maths) 1 draught becomes 2, 2becomes 4 and after a while you have lost count.Plus then there was the side betting with nice and warm cheapshit tequila.What was the scores of that matches? All I remember that both South African teams have won.After a phone call it was time to change venues.

We stopped at our local pub...Where most of all our friends meet....Beer time was over and time for Captian Morgan and shit loads of shooters.....It first started of, playing pool for a shooter and quickly changed to R100 a game.. Only thing I remember is that I lost 2 games and won plenty...Bell went off for last round.... We know the owner and drank till four.

Sorry Sunday:

I woke up early this morning and was nearly off to work...When I got outside I realized that I have lost my sunglasses for the second time this week..It's only when the platneus at my gate wanted to sell me a Sunday times news paper. I realized that it was Sunday and that I don't have to go to work.Every time I look down it feels like my eyeballs are going to fall out...There is no cent in my wallet and I feel like shit.

Have a good week

Squirrel's Klippies n' Coke Potjie

Another week end on the horizon and before we get into the serious hot Sundays and lekker braais the weather is still cool enough to enjoy the odd potjie and I reckon they don't come any odder than this beauty. It's quite simple really, a sort of Dutchman's Baked Beans with apologies to Mr Heinz, but just to pique the interest a little, this one's laced with one of our favourite braai tipples - brandy and coke. Once you tell them that there's Klippies and Coke in the pot you won't be able to keep their fingers out.
Start out the day before by soaking your dried beans. Basically any beans will work but if you can get some small white haricot beans then so much the better. Start your potjie early because there's a good 3 or 4 hours of cooking on a low heat to do and once the cooking is finished the potjie will almost keep forever so better to be finished early than to be waiting on the pot. Now pay attention here, this is a potjie, a Klippie's and Coke Potjie, it's not for the faint hearted, so forget about your olive oil and lean meat. Get some real lard, not that white cooking fat or margarine, real lard and fire it up in the potjie. Next toss in some really fatty pork, chunks of smoked pork belly are excellent or maybe some shoulder or neck for the little ladies. Colour the pork along with roughly chopped onions and then add a spoonful of brown sugar, a spoonful of mustard, add two thirds beans to one third meat and enough tinned chopped tomatoes to cover. Then add Klippies to taste, I reckon 1/4 bottle to start, half a litre of Coke, the real thing not Tab or Coke Light, oh and don't worry about the ice . A little bit of bite in the form of some chopped up peppadews, garlic, 2 spoonfuls of tomato puree and some salt and pepper. All you have to do now is cook it until the beans are like Mr Heinz's. Stir frequently and if it starts to get too dry you can add liquid as required in the form of coke, Klippies or water dependent on your nerve. if you really want to add a Cape flavour then what about some tamarind ? Serve with plenty of dripping garlic bread and you'll be good enough to be anyone's second cousin.