Look to the Stars

Judging by the negative publicity that scandals generate, you would think that being caught in a leaked porn video , developing an eating disorder or being a raging drunk would hurt your career. So why is it that Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Tara Reid get more and more popular with every bad headline?

The truth is, these young celebs are geniuses who know how to parlay their notoriety into an endless supply of reality shows, record contracts and magazine spreads.

Here are 12 lessons you can learn from today's most popular celebrities:

12. If your career hits a rut, merry a greasy backup dancer and have a baby. Your greatest hits album will go through the roof.

11. If people call you a skank, start wearing fewer clothes. Eventually, people will forget why they were making fun of you in the first place. Less is more.

10. Booze is a great meal supplement and easily replaces any of the major food groups.

9. Twins are hot, so if possible try to have a photogenic identical sibling.

8. The human skeleton is a beautiful thing and you should try and make as much of it visible underneath you skin as possible. Muscle definition is for fatties.

7. Lack of talent is good for the economy. It creates hundreds of jobs for audio and special effects producers who make you look and sound better.

6. Don't make out with Collin Ferrell if you can avoid it. He stinks like whiskey and cigarettes.

5. If you're going to be in a porn video, make sure the lighting sucks -- it adds a nice home-made feel to the final product.

4. Joining a cult can be a fun and exciting experience regardless of how misguided and delusional its followers may be. Get off your butt and get on the space ship.

3. Ladies, feel free to make out with each other. It did wonders for Britney, Madonna and Christina. You go girls!

2. Make sure your parents are rich and famous too. That way there's not as much pressure on you to be good at anything, and you have a decent safety net to fall back on.

1. Always wear underwear. There are cameras everywhere these days.