New computer viruses (only in SA)

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION VIRUS
A second rate virus that takes the place of a really good programme that was on your PC. In some cases the really good programme still hangs around and does all the work but the virus takes the credit

MINI BUS TAXI VIRUS
Crashes through your PC with very little regard for the rules of the internet highway. Stops data traffic for no reason. Causes other data to explode. Doesn´t have a software licence.

HIJACK VIRUS
This virus is often fatal for both you and your PC. At the very least you lose your PC altogether and need therapy before you can work on another PC.

STRIKERS VIRUS
Stops your PC in the middle of crucial production runs. Also causes your PC speakers to toi-toi at regular intervals, and is always demanding more memory.

MATRIC PAPER VIRUS
This virus is a stolen version of the real thing. Makes your PC worth less than the plastic its made of.

THIRD WORLD VIRUS
Keeps turning your clock back by 20 years. Slows down the fastest PC to the speed of the operator and has to be manually supervised to check for errors.

SQUATTER VIRUS
Takes illegal residence of your PC and then starts stealing components, difficult to remove, claims to have more right to your PC than installed programmes, because it´s forefathers were there first.

EDUCATION POLICY VIRUS
Tries to drag all PCs down to the level of the slowest machine with the least memory.

AK-47 VIRUS
Is obsessed with killing your motherboard, fatherboard and any other board that it finds.

ANC VIRUS
Also similar to the Microsoft Virus, Promises you the earth but fails to deliver or delivers software with more bugs than the original.

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