Funny

Ever spoken and wished you could take the words back, or that youcouldcrawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow andasked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blo* job?"I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husbanddidn't say a word... he knew better.

Melinda Lowe, 39,

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An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgageinsurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and Iwanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to runandget me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of ourguest.

Kathy Newman, 46

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I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroomandwrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess,he lookedadorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came outsowell that I had copies made and included one with each of ourChristmascards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughinghysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that inaddition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror -wearingnothing but a camera!

Name Withheld

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I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. Iwasunhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing forseveral minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemenwho works at the store. He asked if He could help me. Withoutthinking,I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

Colleen Collins, 31

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My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold avariety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boybehindthe counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm justlooking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, theboygrinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sisterhas never let me forget.Faye

Emerick, 34

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While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided toreleasesome pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold ofherafter receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. Itold her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would bepunished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voicejust as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tellGrandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" Thesilencewas deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellersstoppedwhat they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walkedout of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard whenthedoor closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Amy Richardson

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Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Mythree-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I wason him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunchin between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. Whileenjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked myseven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized thatDannyhad not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed togo,and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had anaccident, and I don't have any clothes with me..." Then I said,"Danny,are you SURE you didn't have an accident?""No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,becausethe smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny,didyou have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled."SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death ontheir tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. Anoldcouple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'deverhad!

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This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a veryembarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely thinkbefore she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't getany.....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day afteritwas supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman andAsked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, theywere laughing so hard!