Inner Peace

By following simple advice heard on
the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr.
Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is
to finish all the things you have started and have
never finished." So, I looked around my house to see
all the things I started and hadn't finished, and
before leaving the house this morning, I finished
off a bottle of brandy, a bottle of rum,
a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of
Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old
Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake,
some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no
idea how freaking good I feel.