Friday, December 28, 2007
Batman revealed
Scrat got himself pissed again and got him self lost.And discovered batmans hideout...or his car was parked outside it
Monday, December 24, 2007
Platneus at Milatary training camp = trouble
In what is termed South Africa's worst military "accident", a platneus soldier got behind the controls of a 35mm anti-aircraft gun Swiss/German Oerlikon MK5 during a training exercise, pulled the trigger and a minute or two later, nine Azanians lay dead, with a further fifteen seriously wounded.
The computer-controlled, double-barrelled MK5 anti-aircraft gun, which fires 35 mm explosive shells at a rate of 15 shells per second can swivel 360 degrees horizontally and between 15 & 80 degrees vertically. According to Pikkie Greeff, SANDF Union spokesman (yes, Azanian soldiers belong to a trade union) the MK5 gun is a dangerous toy - he says it is not uncommon for inexperienced gunners to freeze in shock when they first fire the gun, astounded at the incredibly high rate of fire.
So one can just picture the scene at this training session gone wrong: Platneus Bubbles Mpondo and her spearchucking comrades gazing with bovine incomprehension at this deadly piece of White Man's Magic, nodding mechanically at the words of the white instructor as he drones on. Finally, Platneus Bubbles is ordered to give it a shot, so she laboriously removes the Piece of pink Chappies chewing gum she'd been masticating on for the past two days, and heaves her portly black ass onto the operator seat.
Squeezing the hair trigger of this formidable weapon is quite unlike squeezing the trigger of the Windolene squirt bottle Platneus Bubbles is so much more accustomed to, so the ferocity of what happens next, causes our bewildered sheboon to lapse into mortified petrification: like an unattended hose pipe at full blast, the gun is now firing wildly, spinning round and round while the barrels traverse up and down, spraying its deadly explosive shells into the HIV-positive carcasses of the assembled "soldiers" who didn't even have time to remove their index fingers from their flaring nostrils, let alone dive to cover. Out of the 27 assembled, only three got away.
Most incredibly, a wide-eyed platneus Bubbles is refusing to let go of the trigger, almost like a monkey with its hand in a monkey trap. (A monkey trap is a container filled with nuts and seeds, and an opening just big enough for a monkey to push its hand through. Once it's reached through and grabbed a fist-full, the monkey cannot remove its hand unless it lets go of the contents of its fist, and is thus trapped as it is too stupid and panic-stricken to release its fist). The carnage finally came to an end only when the gun ran out of ammo...
Azanian Army top brass muttered the usual banalities, promising high Level investigations into this embarrassing incident. They've not yet blamed it On right wing sabotage, but are clearly displeased at the consequences of this evil White racist-designed weapon. We would wager that the findings will centre around the fact that the gun was "bewitched" by evil spirits, and endless cleansing ceremonies will be held, involving the torture and slaughter of a few innocent cows so as to appease the ancestors...
The computer-controlled, double-barrelled MK5 anti-aircraft gun, which fires 35 mm explosive shells at a rate of 15 shells per second can swivel 360 degrees horizontally and between 15 & 80 degrees vertically. According to Pikkie Greeff, SANDF Union spokesman (yes, Azanian soldiers belong to a trade union) the MK5 gun is a dangerous toy - he says it is not uncommon for inexperienced gunners to freeze in shock when they first fire the gun, astounded at the incredibly high rate of fire.
So one can just picture the scene at this training session gone wrong: Platneus Bubbles Mpondo and her spearchucking comrades gazing with bovine incomprehension at this deadly piece of White Man's Magic, nodding mechanically at the words of the white instructor as he drones on. Finally, Platneus Bubbles is ordered to give it a shot, so she laboriously removes the Piece of pink Chappies chewing gum she'd been masticating on for the past two days, and heaves her portly black ass onto the operator seat.
Squeezing the hair trigger of this formidable weapon is quite unlike squeezing the trigger of the Windolene squirt bottle Platneus Bubbles is so much more accustomed to, so the ferocity of what happens next, causes our bewildered sheboon to lapse into mortified petrification: like an unattended hose pipe at full blast, the gun is now firing wildly, spinning round and round while the barrels traverse up and down, spraying its deadly explosive shells into the HIV-positive carcasses of the assembled "soldiers" who didn't even have time to remove their index fingers from their flaring nostrils, let alone dive to cover. Out of the 27 assembled, only three got away.
Most incredibly, a wide-eyed platneus Bubbles is refusing to let go of the trigger, almost like a monkey with its hand in a monkey trap. (A monkey trap is a container filled with nuts and seeds, and an opening just big enough for a monkey to push its hand through. Once it's reached through and grabbed a fist-full, the monkey cannot remove its hand unless it lets go of the contents of its fist, and is thus trapped as it is too stupid and panic-stricken to release its fist). The carnage finally came to an end only when the gun ran out of ammo...
Azanian Army top brass muttered the usual banalities, promising high Level investigations into this embarrassing incident. They've not yet blamed it On right wing sabotage, but are clearly displeased at the consequences of this evil White racist-designed weapon. We would wager that the findings will centre around the fact that the gun was "bewitched" by evil spirits, and endless cleansing ceremonies will be held, involving the torture and slaughter of a few innocent cows so as to appease the ancestors...
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Platneus 4 SALE
Look at this. They tried to sell me a blind platneus and a empty cooldrink can again
Thursday, December 20, 2007
AFRIKAANS 'N LEKKER TAAL
Afrikaans is darem ’n befokte taal. Die nuwe woord vir hoerhuis is, TIMBERCITY…
Jy kan opkap, stoot, suig, spyker, dril, skuur, opklim, aangee, en selfs draadtrek, alles onder een dak.
Jy kan opkap, stoot, suig, spyker, dril, skuur, opklim, aangee, en selfs draadtrek, alles onder een dak.
SOME BRAIN TWISTERS
Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.
More than likely you said, "A bird in the bush," and....... if this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see that the word THE is repeated twice! Sorry, look again.
Next, let's play with some words.
What do you see?
Count every " F " in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go back and try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".
O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinerv tisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
More than likely you said, "A bird in the bush," and....... if this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see that the word THE is repeated twice! Sorry, look again.Next, let's play with some words.
What do you see?
In black you can read the word GOOD, in white the word EVIL (inside each black letter is a white letter). It's all very physiological too, because it visualizes the concept that good can't exist without evil (or the absence of good is evil).
Now, what do you see?
You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical, the blue landscape reads the word illusion Look again! Can you see why this painting is called an optical illusion?
What do you see here?
This one is quite tricky!
The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.
Count every " F " in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go back and try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".
O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinerv tisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
This is where my life comes to an end....
ONE MORNING YOU OPEN YOUR EYES AND IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM
RIGHT ABOVE YOUR HEAD YOU SEE THIS...................
What will you do!!!!!!!
RIGHT ABOVE YOUR HEAD YOU SEE THIS...................
What will you do!!!!!!!
Depressed
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got connected to a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Got connected to a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Pick up lines in : brakpan, kempton park, springs & benoni
1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away!
2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
3) My Love for you is like diarrhoea ... I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them.
6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.
7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bedrock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.
2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
3) My Love for you is like diarrhoea ... I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them.
6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.
7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bedrock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.
Smarter wife
A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go
fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be
gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week
and set out my rod and fishing box?
We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being the good wife she is,
does exactly what her husband has asked.
The following weekend he comes home, a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Salmon,
some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue
silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies, "I did. They're in your fishing box..."
fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be
gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week
and set out my rod and fishing box?
We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being the good wife she is,
does exactly what her husband has asked.
The following weekend he comes home, a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Salmon,
some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue
silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies, "I did. They're in your fishing box..."
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Rugby Lovers
A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final.
As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would save a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married.
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral..."
As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would save a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married.
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral..."
Amaizingly simple home remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the wife about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the wife about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Education in South Africa
The school inspector is assigned to the grade 4 class in one of thelocal schools. He is introduced to the class by the teacher.She says to the class: "Let's show the inspector just how clever youare by allowing him to ask you a question." The inspector reasons thatnormally class starts with religious instruction, so he will ask abiblical question.He asks: "Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho ?"For a full minute there is absolute silence. The children all juststare at him blankly. Eventually Sipho raises his hand. The Inspectorexcitedly points to him. Sipho stands up and replies:"Sir, I do not know who broke down the walls of Jericho , but I canassure you it wasn't me."Of course the inspector is shocked by the answer and looks at theteacher for an explanation. Realizing that he is perturbed, the teachersays: Well, I've known Sipho since the beginning of the year, and Ibelieve that if he says that he didn't do it, then he didn't do it."The inspector is even more shocked at this and storms down to theprincipal's office and tells him what happened, to which the principalreplies :"I don't know the boy, but I socialize every now and then with histeacher, and I believe her. If she feels that the boy is innocent, thenhe must be innocent."The inspector can't believe what he is hearing. He grabs the phone onthe principal's desk and in a rage dials the Minister of Education'stelephone number and rattles the entire occurrence to Him and asks himwhat he thinks of the education standard in SA.The Minister sighs heavily and replies:"I don't know the boy, the teacher, nor the principal, but just getthree quotes and have the wall fixed!!"
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Scrat's new olimpic event
The new sport scrat want to introduce to the olimpics
100m, 200m and 400m
sorry no relay yet
100m, 200m and 400m
sorry no relay yet
new member to our house
His name is Oscar, and he don't go to meetings.
Guess you can see he fit right in.
He recently stopped smoking and get real grumpy. but nothing like a cold one to calm him down.
Guess you can see he fit right in.
He recently stopped smoking and get real grumpy. but nothing like a cold one to calm him down.
to be continued:
Penthouse golf day
Well what is there more to say some ugly ho's and some nice ones.
End of the day 3 golf carts got written off.
Scrat got himself platneus drunk agiain..
shit happens.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Scrat is back
Hi all
Sorry for the long wait.
Had plenty mails from frieds shitting me out on saying that I was neglegting this site.
Friends asked that I am still alive.
Sorry all once again.
Being a bit busy and lots of shit to come with it.
Bad luck in 3's
Got pissed lost my car radio's face
Hit a pothole wit my car and fucked up 2 tires
laptop got hit by lightning (AC/DC thunderstruck)
Radio - R2000-00
Tires - R2000-00
Laptop - R5000-00
That is R9000-00 damage in 3 fucking days.
Plus the Scrat moved from his old habitat to a new one with a good buddy.
We still need to sort out internet and our server at our habitat
Sorry for the long wait.
Had plenty mails from frieds shitting me out on saying that I was neglegting this site.
Friends asked that I am still alive.
Sorry all once again.
Being a bit busy and lots of shit to come with it.
Bad luck in 3's
Got pissed lost my car radio's face
Hit a pothole wit my car and fucked up 2 tires
laptop got hit by lightning (AC/DC thunderstruck)
Radio - R2000-00
Tires - R2000-00
Laptop - R5000-00
That is R9000-00 damage in 3 fucking days.
Plus the Scrat moved from his old habitat to a new one with a good buddy.
We still need to sort out internet and our server at our habitat
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