When girls don't put out!!

This was written by a guy.....it's pretty damn smart.I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE:One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't fe el like it, I just want you to hold me.'I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'We went on to the jewelry department where sh e picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennisI think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is allDear, let's go to the cashier.'I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love m e for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least that b*tch knows I'm smarter than her

Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'Some old men can still think fast