Eskom

Eskom

Good One

At the zoo

It was a beautiful, warm spring morning. A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose-fitting, pink dress - sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him, " he said.

This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now, tell him you have a headache!"

Funny pix

THAT'Z MY GIRL

A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said:

"Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys.

He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to Like that, but don't let him do that.

He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don't let him do that.

But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: "Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family..."

Grandma fainted.

Woman

Bottle of wine

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Mondaymorning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished butamazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling.about womendrivers.The woman says, "So, you're a man. That's interesting.I'm a woman. Wow,just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This mustbe a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for therest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be asign from God!" But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowedto drive.

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My caris completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. SurelyGod wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement,opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back tothe man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

MORAL OF THE STORY :

Women are clever, evil humans . Don't mess with them!!!!!!!.

21st century nursery rhymes

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh sh*t, it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead!

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

Good job?

Gynaecologist's Assistant

A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Newcastle and sees a card
advertising
for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Interested he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more
details about
this?" he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Centre guy sifts through his files and replies,

"Uh - yes here it is... OK, the job entails you getting patients ready
for
the gynaecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear,
lie them
down and wash their nether regions.

Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair then rub
in
soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination.

There's an annual salary of £45,000 but I'm afraid you'll have to
go to
Oxford."

"Oh why, is that where the job's based?"



"No - that's where the end of the queue is"

Scrat don't realy post the everyday stuff like pussy, .........hahahaha, dogs, fast cars, bikes ect. But a while ago Frik had the busa eater to show Eli what a real bike was. Now bring your busa eater. The Scrat came accross the bike for a real big asshole.
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aim for the year

This shirt must be the prize of a real champion...

Dumb & Dumber

Platneus Mbeki