Guess her real hair colour

It was not me " Manto die bantoe "

B.E.E

The Scrat must decide now if he must get married now or immegrate somewhere else. Twenty years ago mixed marriages was illegal... Today it is legal...

With the fucking b.e.e and quota system in SA.... they will make the single people marry mixed partners... fuck that.... the Scrat will take no platneus wife....

The Scrat will rather curl up into a little ball and die..

Animals

LAW of the FOXTERIER

If you can't eat, lick or fuck it

Piss all over it and walk away

Super Scrat to Road kill

Scrat went to the round table golfday yesterday......This is on his journey to become
"the Complete Golfer" Scrat had fun yesterday... A couple of drinks before tee off.
Another couple of beers on the course...Then after the game Morgan called me (captain
Morgan to you guys)

The impossible happened yet again.............. We drank the bar out of captain Morgan...
We heard there was an roadblock down the road and decided to drink till the roadblock go away
One problem NO MoRE CAPTAIN....

So we invented the PLOTMYT Plenty of vodka And Stoney ginger beer as mix.......
Guess what happened next.........................................

We finnished their Vodka

we decided to go to another pub down the road......

Fuck that was not an good idea


What day is today?

How the FUCK did I get to work this morning..?

Platneus : Manto

It has just been announced that the name of the "Johannesburg General Hospital " will be changed. From 1 September 2007 it will officially be known as the Manto Tshabalala-Msimang Pub & Grill they also have liver on the menu

Best Irish Joke

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!,between the legs of me wife!"That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Thank You

Dear All

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program ..... Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

You Can't Beat An Indian in business

An Indian couple both age 37, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished having the intercourse, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse , SO I GONNA CHARGE U A LITTLE LESS THAN USUAL ", and charged them R70.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment; have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges R225. The Hilton charges R879.

We do it here for R70, and I get R65 back from Discovery!"

WHEN TO CRAP IN A WETSUIT

Humor

> Once there was three friends. An alcoholic, a chain smoker and a gay.
> They made a promise to God on their lives, that they will stop all their
> addictions.
The alcoholic will stop drinking, the chain smoker will stop smoking and
the
gay guy will turn straight. One day the three friends walked down the road
all longing for their addictions. The alcoholic saw a pub along the road
and
heard the music pumping, he decided to just go and see how it is. He
eventually took a drink and collapsed (he died). The two remaining friends
walked further down the road, very sad about their friends death, noticed
a
burning cigarette laying in the road. The smoker couldn't resist, but
before
he could bend to pick it up the gay told him.....

"AS JY NOU BUK OM DAAI ENTJIE OP TE TEL DAN IS ONS ALTWEE VREK!!!

1.-Meraai kry 4 gaste vir ete,'n rasta,'n hond,'n moffie en 'n anoreksie
lyer.
Wat bedien sy vir elkeen?
Zol,Epol,Poephol en Fokhol!

2.-Waar is die dae toe drank,drank was,doos,doos was, 'n baas nog baas
en 'n koning nog koning,
nou is doos koning,drank is baas en die baas is 'n doos.


3.-Because of slow sales,"loslyf" decided to combine with 'Rooi rose"
Now available under the new titel "Mooi Dose"

4.-Oom & tannie besluit hulle gaan liefde maak!
Tannie: bietjie op,nee links,nee regs,nee agtertoe.
Oom : nee my fok,wil jy spyker of parkeer?

5.-Meraai sit wydsbeen op die sypaadjie in die son
Polisieman vra haar -"wat maak jy"
Meraai - "ek het nou net my huur betaal,nou lat ek net die kwitansie
droog word"

6.-Mans is soos rooi wyn. Hoe ouer,hoe beter.
Vroue is soos melk, eers word hulle suur en dan dik !!!!

7.-Juffrou buk voor Jannie en hy sien iets, sy vra, "wat het jy gesien"?
Jannie;"Moet die hel wees juffrou,want die Duiwel is hier in my broek
los"

8.-Koos se dat sy meisie 'n seeskulp op haar binnebeen laat tatoeeer
het.
Dit is glo so goed gedoen,as jy jou oor teen die skulp hou, kan jy
die
see ruik...!!!

Dr. Platneus Manto Babalas Msimang

A BAD DAY

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a
bad day at work think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio
station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a
worst job experience contest. Needless to say , she won.

Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling
down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to
make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with
a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of
the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is
taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've
used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the
bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of
my wet suit.

This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a
Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt
started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things
worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn.

I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony
I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a
jellyfish and pumped it into mysuit. Now, since I don't have any hair
on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it However, the crack of
my
butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an
itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter


running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it
on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my
butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work,

think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved
up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad
day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

DATSUN

A guy breaks down in his Datsan bakkie out in Boksburg.
A Subaru pulls up
next to him :'Ek sê¬ come I'll sommer tow you with my Subaru, but if I
drive too fast, flash your lights and hoot so that I can slow down!'

Off they go... Pull up to a robot, Ferrari pulls up next to the Subaru,tunes ' Wanna dice ek s꿧 Revving engines, robot goes green, and they haulit down the road

.Dude standing on the side of the road sees them tearing past, neck in neck.Phones his tjommie 'Ai boet, I've got a story to tell you, I just saw aSubaru and Ferrari dicing, neck in neck ek sê¬ like 300km/h

'Tjommie - 'Pretty hip ey?

'Dude says to him ' That aint the story, there's a Datsun bakkie rightbehind them, flashing and hooting, he wants to fo**en overtake china!!!!!'