Meraai vang Gatiep met 'n los vrou in die bed.Sy gooi hom van die vierde verdieping af en skree:"Jou blêrrie insek! As jy kan steek dan kan jy vlieg ook!"
****
Meraai aan Gatiep na seks: "Jong jy het ook maar 'n ou klein kitaartjie!"Gatiep: "Ja maar ek het nou ook nie geweet ek moet vanaand in die City Hall perform nie!"
****
Meraai loop straataf met ´n matras op haar kop.Gatiep: Wa gat djy met djou furniture?Meraai: Hierie is g´n furniture nie. Dis my workshop!
****
Regter: Hoe kan jy onskuldig pleit as 5 persone jou sien steel het?Gatiep: Djou Honour, ek kan thousands mense bring wat my nie gesien steel het nie.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
How to handle a husband
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach.
Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town
"What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.
"We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once." We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
"And from that moment... we have lived happily ever after."
Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town
"What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.
"We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once." We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
"And from that moment... we have lived happily ever after."
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Vermoed
Juffrou aan klas: "Maak 'n sin met Vermoed." Jannie haak af en sê:"Juffrou, gister gedurende pouse is ek in die skoolsaal en sien MnrGouws agter die gordyne uitkom, hy trek toe sy onderbroek en broek op.'n Rukkie later toe kom juf Swart ook agter die gordyne uit, trek haarpanty op en maak haar rok reg. Juffrou, ek VERMOED hulle het agter dieklavier gekak."
Monday, September 10, 2007
Marc Lottering's one Liners..
1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have
nothing
to
play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over; nobody's
home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During s * x, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the
other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging
naked.
I
said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said
"Because you came home early
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on &
a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, & the handle came off.
I'm
afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat
kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster &
a radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She
told
me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who
came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said
to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
through."
11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was
born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of
my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me
find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find
them?"
He
said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how
big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up &
I
look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with
me?"
He
said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get
my
kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.
20. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was
in
the electric chair.
nothing
to
play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over; nobody's
home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During s * x, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the
other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging
naked.
I
said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said
"Because you came home early
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on &
a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, & the handle came off.
I'm
afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat
kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster &
a radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She
told
me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who
came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said
to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
through."
11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was
born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of
my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me
find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find
them?"
He
said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how
big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up &
I
look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with
me?"
He
said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get
my
kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.
20. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was
in
the electric chair.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Affirmative Shopping
Thanks platneus....for screwing up my whole night last night. Why don't they use the fucking door and office hours.... but no just after 7pm I got the call....
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