Baked Beans

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and
told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was
more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would
walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at
the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of
baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then
blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a
seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone
rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of
the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and
let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap

and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other
cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked
cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room,

I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was
indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my
freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologising for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I almost fainted.