Little Alien Men

A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man
standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a
standstill, rolls down the window, and asks the little man what's
wrong.

"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the
little man.
"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a cheese sandwich, but
that's as much as I can do."

So he passes a sandwich to the little man and drives off.

A bit later he has to stop again, because there's a little red man
in the middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down
the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little man what the
matter is.

"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man
bawls.
So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as
much as can do."

He hands a tin of Coke down to the little man and drives off.

A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the
middle of the road. Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the
window and snaps," Yes, you little blue moffie, what planet are you
from and what the f...k do you want?"

And the little man answers, "Your driver's license, please..."

My Dear Wife.....

My Dear Wife

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54Years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value
You as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope thatYou will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending theEvening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. PleaseDon't be upset - I shall be home before midnight."

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter onThe dining room table:

"My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about me being 54Years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you
Are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local
College. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will beAt the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also theAssistant tennis coach.

He is young, virile, and like your secretary, 18 years old. As a
Successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths, you will
Understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
Difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

One of the most beautiful waterfalls in the world

7 QUICKIES!!!!!

1) What is a KISS?

It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build the next GENERATION.

2) Latest Statistics:

What men do after sex?
- 2% eat.
- 3% smoke cigarettes.
- 4% take shower.
- 5% go to sleep.
- 86% get up and go back home to their wives.

3) Why is your d ! ck better than a credit card?
- Once spent it recharges itself.
- It is accepted worldwide.
- You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

4) A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.

The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?MAN: No, I work in a Condom Factory and these are customers COMPLAINTS.

5) Women top 5 lies:
I am a virgin.
It is so big.
I can't do that to my best friend.
I won't gain weight after marriage
I am coming! I am coming!!!

6) A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says:
You want to play magic?
She says: What is that?
He says: We go Home, F*ck, and then you disappear.

7) What is the closest thing to a woman's period? Your SALARY...It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and If it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!

Perspective

THE VIBRATOR

AS A MOTHER AND HER HUSBAND PASSES THE DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR
SHOCKED, THEY ASKED: 'WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?'

THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: 'I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE.'

A COUPLE DAYS LATER, THE WIFE HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM THE LIVING ROOM. SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS
NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.
THE WIFE ASKED: 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?'

THE HUSBAND REPLIED: 'I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW

HOW THE TARZAN YELL ORIGINATED

New inventions....

Jannie en Sannie klap 'n toon deur Pretoria Dieretuin toe Sannie snaakse goed begin sien: "Jannie, hoekom sit daai een hasie Bo-op die ander een?" Jannie stop vir so rukkie en sê? "Hulle is besig om sigarette te maak." Hulle loop verby nog so paar diere wat heeltyd "sigarette" maak en na so 'n rukkie vra Sannie: "Dit lyk my al die diere maak sigarette. Hoekom maak ek en jy nie ook sigarette nie?" Jannie nooi homself nie twee keer nie en hy en Sannie pomp virre vale agter die beerhokke. Na hulle klaar is stap hulle so entjie verder toe Sannie vra: "Jannie, nou watse soort sigarette het ek en jy gemaak?". Jannie stop en dink so bietjie na: "Wel, as jy 'n hobbel op jou maag kry, het ons Camel gemaak, en as daar nie een kom nie, was dit Lucky Strike."

Here are 12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on
British TV and radio

(1) Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator
'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing!'

(2) New Zealand Rugby Commentator
'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

(3) Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator :
'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

(4) Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977
'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is
kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.'

(5) US PGA Commentator -
'One of the reasons Arnie [ Arnold > > Palmer] is playing so well is
that,
before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..
Oh my god!! what have I just said??'

(6) Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team
Live' said:
'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

(7) A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because
they were laughing so hard!

(8) Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

(9) Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold
night like this.'

(10) Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports
'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he
gets.'

(11) Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's
only come in his shorts.'

(12) Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to> do it by himself.'

Ouma.....

Ouma klim op haar fiets en ry by die hek uit.........
Kleinseun: "Waar gaan Ouma?"
Ouma: "Begraafplaas toe!"
Kleinseun (frons): "En wie de fok gaan die fiets terug bring?!"

POT HOLE OF THE MONTH

Big One for you... Must check it out

Hi

Use your mobile

Go to NEW TEXT message option and activate Dictionary (T9)

Dictionary and then hide Ur screen with Ur hand and type

277451366514612382623